They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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