matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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