And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
