I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
