i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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