Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
