u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
