When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Drunk is a universal language darling
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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