im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
