My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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