Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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