you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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