And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
