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• (619): View more from California

  If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.

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• (+62): View more from

  This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  I woke up with glitter in my wounds.

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.

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• (315): View more from New York

  This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.

  (1-617): View more from Massachusetts

  you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight

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• (716): View more from New York

  I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?

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• (914): View more from New York

  I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating

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• (906): View more from Michigan

  Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.

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• (914): View more from New York

  You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle

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