dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
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He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
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I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?