Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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