dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
