i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
