my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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