Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
