I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
