we're blogging at a bar
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
