I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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