Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
