I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
