He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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