if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
