i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
