My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
His nipple licking is glorious
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