Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
