i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
where are my eyebrows?
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