He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
