My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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