Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
