i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
