Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dicks are not precious.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
