Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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