Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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