I miss vodka workout Fridays
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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