you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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