apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this