My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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