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the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
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