no you cant smoke seaweed
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.