Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.