Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
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Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
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woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god