dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
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There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
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gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.