How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
