i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
