When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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