he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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