I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
