why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I think i got beer on your cat.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
