i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
