I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
