okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
