you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
