I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize