There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
