What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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