he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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