I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
