just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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