Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
