He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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