You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
