Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
