my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
