seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
