I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sorry my hands just texted you
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
