What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize